i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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