Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
