Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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