Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
