Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
