I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
