I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
