He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
