the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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