Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
It was confusing and full of hummus
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
