I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
