i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
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Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
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I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
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