omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
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