I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
