literally had 100 drinks last night.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
im calling her cock vulture from now on
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
