I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
