weddingsv make me drug and hornr
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
