Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
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