going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
