wrigley field is MILF paradise
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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