So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
