i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
