Do you still have your period?
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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