so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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