Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
Randomize
