3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
