i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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