Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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