If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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