Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
