I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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