I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Randomize
