I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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