At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
