her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
