Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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