i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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