Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
