remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Randomize
