So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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