the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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