We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
