Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
