is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
