marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Randomize
