I can text with my tongue
I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
