i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Randomize
