I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
