I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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