Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
