The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
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The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
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May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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