I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Her eyes are really red like she jus got out of the hospital and shes coughing ...80 ppl at her school do have swine flu dude
So your saying just a blow job?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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