so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
