You're so nebulous sometimes
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
