that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
It was confusing and full of hummus
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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