I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
