my being single is dangerous.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
A bitchslap is in order.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
