Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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