he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
