Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
