I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
