My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
