OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
