chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
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