Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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