I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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