im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
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