I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She said her name was "party"
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
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