So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
