yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
Randomize
