eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
