my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
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