I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
