It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
as a side note pls kill me
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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