I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
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