I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
