Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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