Sry I called you an 8
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
