Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I have aggressive nipples.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
how drunk are you?
Several
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
Randomize