Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
