he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Randomize
