in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Randomize
