genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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