Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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