I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Randomize
